The Super Wacky Adventures Of Annoyingman!

Now that reality shows are almost inescapable and indicate no signs of going away any time soon, maybe we need to cash in on the annoying trend. How about a hidden camera show documenting the foibles and quirks of our least-loved neighbors? How about picking the biggest wanker on your block to be the start of his very own show?

Meet Annoyingman!

It’s a turd! It’s a pain! It’s ANNOYINGMAN!

EPISODE GUIDE: When last we checked in on Annoyingman, he was using a chainsaw to clear brush in his backyard. At 4AM! That kooky Annoyingman! Today Annoyingman is cleverly disguised in his Sekrit Alter-ego Identity, Will Erkus! What WILL Will Erkus do today!?

CAST:

Annoyingman (cleverly disguised as Will Erkus)

Annoyingman Crony #1 (Tard Boy, cleverly disguised as “Red” Nexon)

Annoyingman Crony #2 (Twerp Lad, cleverly disguised as Stu Piddass)

Annoyingman’s long-suffering wife, Brandine Erkus

Hundreds of innocent bystanders

Dozens of service personnel

Will: *belches* My lil’ heifer shore can cook, caint she, boys?

“Red”: Hail yeh, Annoyingman! Ah mean, “Will”! *slaps Annoyingman’s wife on the butt*

Stu: Well, ya know them girls is only good fer two thangs! Tee! Hee! Har! Har!

“Red”: Ooh. Whut’s that, Stu?

Stu: Cookin’ and…um…oh, I remember! Quantum physics!

*long, painful silence*

Will: Ah dun geddit, Stu.

Brandine: *exasperated snort, eyeroll*

Will: Oh shuddup, Brandine, afore Ah knock yer tooth down yer throat!

EPISODE PLOT SPOILERS: Annoyingman drives to a store. Camera pans across back bumper of raised truck bumper, showing charming misogynist, pinheaded, politically fascist, pro-Bambi-smiting bumper stickers, including at least two with farting themes. On the way, he litters, throws food wrappers out the window, drags his muffler along the road and manages to set a brush fire with a discarded cigar butt…but not before having a fit of road rage and running people off the road.

Camera shows that the store is about a block away from Annoyingman’s driveway.

Annoyingman slams into the store and leaves the front door open behind him. He manages to insult every female, minority and non-Christian in the store in his trademarked mangled grammar while buying the most enormous BIG-BIG-BIG-BIG-SO-VERY-HUGE! speakers the store has, cutting in line, paying with pennies and nickels, and then being scary and threatening until the installation guys are cowed into installing them immediately.

Annoyingman drives home blaring something irritating like country pop or Top Ten Modem Screeching Hits or gangsta rap or Justin Bieber and narrowly misses mowing down an elderly lady on a walker in a pedestrian walkway while spitting tobacco juice on a paraplegic Vietnam vet in a wheelchair. “Git a job, yew hippie!”

Camera shows drivers in normal-sized vehicles wincing at the volume of the horrible music. One of Annoyingman’s beercans whizzes out the window and cracks the windshield of a harried mother with two kids. “Git yer tubes tied, Welfare Queen!”

Annoyingman screeches across his neighbor’s yard, parks so that the rear of his truck is still blocking part of the road. He walks past his lawn art (a black lawn jockey, a Bend Over Bertha Buttz, a toilet bowl filled with dead flowers and a Tea Party sign) and goes out of his way to detour and kick a puppy. (*yip!*)

Show ends with Annoyingman having a loud, screeching, throwing-breakable-things fight with his wife after he is served a meal with a vegetable on the side. He manages to equate eating healthy things with being homosexual. God didn’t give him opposable thumbs and a semi-automatic so he could eat tofu! The whole world is goin’ to hell because there are too few Annoyingmen out there and too many commies, liberals, unChristian heathens, women, gay people who have the temerity to be happy, et cetera. “Now git me a beer, Brandine!”

Camera shows his miserable neighbors being kept awake long past midnight.

Oh, that wacky Annoyingman! Tune in next time, as Annoyingman talks with his mouth stuffed full of popcorn and has a loud argument on a cell phone during a movie and then joins a militia!

THE END

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: Annoyingman is not based on a real person. (Annoyingman is based on tens of thousands of real people. *cries*)

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