I don’t put up with people coming up to me and whispering words like “gay” or “black” couched in a complaint. So the *whisper* BLACK people in the grocery store blocked the aisle with their carts to say hello to each other? Sorry, those are rude people who HAPPEN to be black. Allow me to share a story about the WHITE people in my neighborhood who block the roadway with their cars to chat.
So you say you are Christian, but want to come up to me and be all judge-y and bitchy about people you don’t like? As a Christian, I am sure you will appreciate some words from Jesus about how you should judge not, lest ye be judged and loving your neighbor and being without sin before casting the first stone. Allow me, the heathen infidel, to share some of those scriptures with you. Because unlike you, I have read your holy book.
So you think it is funny to tell jokes that play on harmful stereotypes and myths about women or men or male-female relations? Pardon me if I don’t laugh about your Stupid Useless Husband or your Sex-hating Frigid Wife. HA HA, he likes sports and beer and can’t wash a dish! HA HA, she likes shoes and silly women’s magazines and can’t wash a dish, either! Man, that’s some kind of comedy. Excuse me if I don’t laugh, and just look at you with my head cocked to one side like a puzzled puppy. Because you aren’t funny. Oh, was that the punchline?
So you think it is fine to casually put your hands on me, even though we are not friends? Pardon me while I hold up your hand in the air and ask loudly which asshat this misplaced hand belongs to, because I found it touching my ass, and I didn’t say that was OK.
So you think it is OK to invade my personal space and make sexually aggressive comments? You will be pleased to discover that I carry a Taser with me and am willing to use it, because it is legal in my area. Perhaps you should back the fuck off.
So you think it is OK to fight with your co-workers, run off competent co-workers, be lazy, be stupid, and not do your assigned job tasks? How much do you like being employed in this shitty economy? Because I’m not doing your work for you, or taking orders from you, or helping you get out of your self-created jams, or teaching you more than once how to do a simple office task. If you can’t get with it, there are at least 100 hungry people out there who want and need a job and who will work, and you CAN and WILL be replaced. So fuck off with your attempts to tell me that my boss OKed you dumping shitwork on me. I asked, she didn’t, you’re busted, so do it yourself. You’re a pestilence.
So you Jehovah’s Witnesses think it is OK to wake me up early on Saturday morning to tell me my religion (or lack thereof) sucks and that yours is better and I should convert? How about I turn the sprinklers on? Is that a subtle enough hint? Because I have talked to you before and told you I am down with blood transfusions and holidays and have no plans to convert to your cult, especially as I have read your holy book and you, clearly, have not. I have asked you to leave me alone. I have posted “No Soliciting” signs, as has the neighborhood. That means religious soliciting, too. I have tried ignoring you. Now, if you are annoying and persistent enough to wake me up and get me out of bed, so help you, I will turn the goddamned sprinklers on you. I am sick of your shit.
So you think it is OK to lie about what our Founding Fathers said, to ignore Separation of Church and State, and be hateful towards women, homosexuals, minorities, the poor, the disabled, the elderly, the pregnant, the foreign, the non-Christian? How about we expose your hypocrisy at every turn and not vote for you assholes? How about we compare YOUR messages with the messages in your holy book? Will you go away, then? Do we have to get as nasty as you are, first? Really, what will it take?
So you think it is OK to treat gays like second-class citizens and deny them their equal rights? How would you like to be shunned because of things YOU were born with, like your height or baldness or eye color? Here’s a shocker: Even if it were true that gay was a choice, which it is not, guess what? Religion is also a choice. You aren’t born believing in one religion or another, you are raised by adults who teach you about their flavor of religion. What if bigots were denied their equal rights? You’d be shit out of luck, Chuck.
What are some things you won’t put up with anymore?