If You Ruled the World…

Ever seen one of those “crazy laws still on the books” websites that collects a bunch of stupid laws that aren’t even enforced? If I ruled the world, stupid laws taking up space would be nullified or revised to make some sense. No more “it is illegal to walk your giraffe on Main Street on Sunday” stuff.

People would have a minimum of 15% added to their restaurant checks for their servers. You could request management remove it, but you better have a good reason to request that. Servers earn about two bucks an hour, generally have no benefits whatsoever and work long hours doing grueling physical labor while dealing with the general public, and the general public is, let’s be frank, a bunch of raging assholes more often than not.

No one would ever face eviction, poverty, bankruptcy, or worse if they had the misfortune to have a medical accident or fall ill, ESPECIALLY if they had medical insurance and the insurance company just didn’t want to pay the bills. You would be rewarded for good habits and seeking out support to quit bad habits, not penalized for bad ones, or, worse, bad genes.

The media would be fined a punitive amount of money each time they lied about easily-researched facts. Media outlets found guilty of reporting untruths regularly would lose their license to broadcast.

Good Samaritans would be exempt from litigation that would punish them for trying to help their neighbors.

People would have to apply for licenses to own pets, they would have to arrange for a vet to care for their desired pet or pets in advance, there would be a limit to how many licenses one person could have, and they would take a class on how to care for their pet or pets of choice. Animal abusers would forfeit their ability to have a pet ownership license. If one family member abuses an animal, the rest of the family also revokes their license as long as the abuser lives under the same roof or within the same household.

All legal residents of the USA would have equal rights and protections under the law. No exceptions.

It will not be required to give equal network time to loons. If someone states that the Earth is a sphere, that does not mean that someone from The Flat Earth Society should get interviewed to present their opposition to the idea. Just because an actress thinks vaccines cause autism (and is grossly wrong) does not mean she deserves a platform to spout those ideas. You are entitled to your own opinions, not your own facts.

We will no longer allow idiots to determine the contents of our children’s textbooks, especially those who are intent on inserting religious or faith-based assertions into a fact-based science textbook. We will no longer allow partisan politicians to rewrite history to better reflect their preferred historical revisionist ideas. We will acknowledge the contributions of people who are not WASPs to history, politics, literature, the arts, science, etc.

It is forbidden to use terms like “socialist,” “fascist,” “Marxist,” “Communist, ” and so on, to discredit a political opponent unless you can accurately define and spell those terms, and apply them correctly.

Faith-based charities and organizations will no longer receive tax breaks unless they can show that they provide a substantial public benefit. Faith-based charities and organizations will be forbidden from having front groups. Faith-based charities and organizations are not permitted to influence, lobby, or participate in politics or elect politicians. Due to Separation of Church and State, the government will not give money or accept money from any faith-based charity or group. Faith-based charities and organizations which cannot abide by the law or which wish to exclude or discriminate against anyone cannot receive government funds. Faith-based charities and organizations will be audited regularly to verify that funds collected from parishioners are being used as promised and provide a public good.

Police officers and other LEOs will be taught the law as it applies to freedom of the press, freedom of assembly / peaceful public protests, freedom of speech, taking photos or videos in public spaces, search and seizure with and without a warrant, etc., and any LEO caught punishing someone for Driving While Black or Flying While Swarthy will have to account for their actions and prove they were not using racial profiling rather than observing actual wrongdoing. Arbitrary quotas that force LEOs to actively search for minor offenses rather than protecting and serving will be abolished. Since most people cannot be simultaneously in their moving vehicle and behind or ahead of them where they can see a taillight or blinker has burned out, these will not be ticketable offenses unless the driver has been issued a previous warning a week or more earlier and has chosen to ignore the problem.

Our elected representatives’ benefits and pay should reflect the benefits and pay available to the average constituent in their home districts or states. If they want better retirement funds / pensions, pay, healthcare, insurance, housing, transportation, etc., they have to improve the standard of living for the average person they were elected to represent in order to improve their own standard of living.

No more elected representative hypocrites railing against gays (while being gay or hiring gay rent boys) or preaching about Christian values / marital fidelity (while being adulterers), etc. If you are caught being a raging hypocrite, you are fired. Period. Furthermore, you are shunned for being a raging hypocrite.

Advertisers cannot litter the landscape with aesthetically displeasing adverts. There will be No Ad Zones in public areas where no logos, brands, ads or soliciting are allowed. Advertisers cannot make false claims in their adverts or they forfeit the money they paid to publish their ad and the ad will not be published. Advertisers cannot run more than one ad per radio station or TV channel or newspaper or website per day: one each is all you get. Advertisements online cannot hijack your speakers to blare audio at you or open a pop-up window.

Rights are rights, not privileges. Rights can’t be voted for or against or granted or taken away. Rights are rights. There will be no more waffling about whether or not a particular right is something Americans can have or not. If you are unclear on the idea of rights versus privileges, you are cordially invited to give up all your own rights first, before attempting to tinker with other people’s rights.

You will be politely shunned for being rude in public. If you are loud on your mobile phone in public, everyone around you has the right to stop dead in their tracks and point at you, with scorn. If you bring your infant to an R-rated film at night because you are too cheap to hire a babysitter and if your baby’s understandable distress at the loud noises and dark room manage to ruin it for everyone else, if you take up two or more spaces in a parking lot or a handicapped spot when you are not disabled, if you steal from a store, if you change your infant’s dirty diaper on a restaurant table, if you expose your underwear to appalled strangers in public areas, if you annoy people by blaring your music in public areas, if you throw trash out of your car window or litter in a public park, if you verbally harass women or minorities on the street, if you do not curb your dog, you will be scorned, shunned, and named and shamed by your peers until you learn not to be a douchebag.

Corporations which do not headquarter here, hire here, or bank here do not get ANY tax breaks. None. If you want to export your HQ, hire overseas, union-bust here or bank overseas, you don’t get any goodies.

These are totally unrealistic goals. I know that. That’s not the point.

What would you do if you were Ruler of Earth?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s