Some Observations About Hypocrisy, Irony and Human Beings Just Generally Being Quirky

 

  • People who profess to “hate drama” are the world’s biggest drama queens.
  • People who fuss about “haters” who are “paying more attention to your life than their own” often act hatefully and are talking about other people’s lives and not their own.
  • People who claim they are “classy” do not actually know what “classy” means.
  • People who use a lot of sexual innuendo and give advice about love are often single with a history of shitty short-term relationships.
  • People who complain a lot about “stupid people” often do so while making egregious spelling and grammatical errors and/or while employing logical fallacies.
  • People who gripe about “jealous bitches” are often still coveting other people’s (especially celebrities’) material possessions and/or stalking their exes’ social media pages and making nasty comments about the people their exes are now in relationships with.
  • Men who complain that “Nice Guys finish last” are not, in fact, nice at all.
  • Women who like to call other women “sluts” or “whores” are often the most immodestly dressed and most promiscuous people you know.
  • People who complain about their lazy co-workers not pulling their weight often complain while they are on the clock at their job.
  • People who tattoo verses from Leviticus condemning gays on their bodies often overlook the verses in Leviticus prohibiting tattoos and body modifications.
  • People who like to boast that they “just tell it like it is” and who are outspoken with their opinions and casual insults are often the first to get dramatically butthurt over someone else’s opinion or to feel hurt because they feel insulted.
  • People who boast that they are “open-minded” are often open-minded only as long as your and their interests and kinks are compatible. 
  • The biggest War Hawks are typically people who have not actually served in the military or they are people who actively went out of their way to draft dodge, go on a “religious mission” overseas, or get stationed state-side in a non-combat zone.
  • People who live in Red States condemn government social welfare programs while consuming the greatest percentage of all government social welfare programs.
  • Politicians and religious leaders who hate and loudly condemn gay people or push for anti-gay legislation are 99% more likely to get caught having sex with gay people, hiring rent boys, sexting underaged employees, and/or posting photos of themselves to gay dating websites.
  • People who tell you that you need to “get a life” during an Internet disagreement are actually participating in the exact same “no life” Internet bickering that you are.
  • People who use the Bible to back up their assertions have often not read nor understood the Bible.
  • People who say “only God can judge me” sure do spend a lot of time being judgmental about other people.
  • People who complain about the lack of quality programming on TV are the same people who spend a lot of time parked in front of the TV.
  • People who plaster their car bumpers with dozens of religious, political or social criticism-related stickers are often the least capable of formulating a coherent response when asked to debate their points of view.
  • People who assert that the United States is the best country on the planet are 99% more likely to not have a passport and to have never visited another country.
  • People who complain that “no one has a sense of humor any more” tell the most unoriginal and unfunny anecdotes.
  • Parents who complain a lot about other people’s kids generally have children who are the most undisciplined and ill-behaved little monsters in the neighborhood.
  • People who assume the worst of others are often hiding a guilty conscience about their own bad behavior and are assuming that everyone else is as big of an amoral jerk as they are.
  • People who bitch about their teachers and grades the most are often the least motivated, most disrespectful, chattiest, most distracted (by technology like their phones or what other students are doing rather than the lecture being given) and laziest students in the class, and they probably also do as little homework and independent research as they can.
  • Poor, middle class, non-white, non-straight, female and/or non-Christian people who vote Republican are almost always voting against their best interests.
  • Few things are more amusing than “strict vegetarians” who eat fish or chicken and/or enjoy wearing leather jackets, purses and shoes.
  • If someone says “swear to God” or “to be honest,” it is usually wise to prepare for some lies and exaggerations to follow.
  • People who are the most fervent anti-smoking activists are usually former smokers.
  • People who say something “literally” happened in a specific way actually usually mean “figuratively.”
  • Your dog’s incessant barking means he is a good watchdog. Your neighbor’s dog’s incessant barking means he is poorly trained and your neighbors are bad pet owners.
  • When a pro-life woman has an abortion, she always has an excellent excuse for making that choice…she is definitely not like everyone else who makes the exact same decision for the exact same reasons she did.
  • Your own flatulence is, in your opinon, not so bad. Everyone else’s, however, is just THE WORST.
  • …Mitt Romney. Nothing more needs to be said.

 

 

Also, what’s the deal with airline food? It is the worst, amirite?

 

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5 thoughts on “Some Observations About Hypocrisy, Irony and Human Beings Just Generally Being Quirky

  1. All of the above. Best blog read of the day.

  2. wonderbink says:

    People who like to boast that they “just tell it like it is” and who are outspoken with their opinions and casual insults are often the first to get dramatically butthurt over someone else’s opinion or to feel hurt because they. feel insulted.

    No kidding. I just had someone email me that he never wants to speak to me again because I refused to back down when he started mansplaining to me about religion. Twenty years of friendship pitched out the window because of one cocktail party argument. Go figure.

  3. ms_eloisa says:

    Reblogged this on She's shaken, not stirred and commented:
    This…is…amazingly said… it’s like fate.
    I fully admit that I fall under some of these bullet points. Not proud, only human… but I am trying to be a better person.

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