What If We Treated Children Like Some People Treat Their Pets?

I’m sure most of you are responsible pet owners and would never consider them expendable when inconvenient. You probably would never dream of strapping them to the roof of your car, either.

What if newspaper ran adverts like this:

I have had my sweet beautiful children for almost 6 months now. I love them with all my heart, but my circumstances have changed a few months ago. My new cats are MAJORLY allergic to them. We are trying to find the safest way to find a new home for them. I just can’t watch my cats sneeze all the time and get hives from the babies. Their doctors are saying the babies must go for the cats’ health. My children are indoor-only babies and I need to trust that the people who take them in will keep them indoors and spoil them as they are used to. How do I safely find a new home for them? Please help.

Please help. I’ve had my baby for several years now, but I’m now married and expecting a couple of new kittens in a few months. I hate to do it, because the baby is a member of our family and we love it, but I have to put the kittens’ needs first. Can anyone adopt my baby?

Or what if there were Hotlines and Shelters you could call? Their answering machine or outgoing message might sound like this:

Hello, You have reached 123-4567, Tender Hearts Rescue. Due to the high volume of calls we have been receiving, please listen closely to the following options and choose the one that best describes you or your situation:

Press 1 if you think we are pediatricians and want free medical advice.

Press 2 if you know we are a child rescue organization but want to save money and have us give you free, untrained medical advice anyway.

Press 3 if you make $200,000 a year but still want us to pay to spay you or your teenage children for free.

Press 4 if you have a 10-year-old son and your 15-year-old cat has suddenly become allergic and you need to find the son a new home right away.

Press 5 if you have three babies, got a cat and want to get rid of your babies because you are the only person in the world to have a cat and babies at the same time.

Press 6 if your baby is sick and needs a doctor but you need the money for your vacation.

Press 7 if you just had a brand new baby and your older child is having problems adjusting so you want to get rid of the older child right away.

Press 8 if your infant has grown up and is no longer small and cute and you want to trade it in for a new model.

Press 9 if you are elderly and want to adopt a cute baby who is active and is going to outlive you.

Press 10 if your relative has died and you don’t want to care for their children because it doesn’t fit your lifestyle.

Press 11 if you are moving today and need to immediately place your 150 pound, 18-year-old, unneutured, aggressive teenaged son.

Press 12 if you want an unpaid volunteer to come to your home today and pick up the child you no longer want.

Press 13 if you have been feeding and caring for a “run-a-way” child for the last three years, are moving, and have suddenly determined it’s not your kid.

Press 14 if you are calling at 6 a.m. to make sure you wake me up before I have to go to work so you can drop a kid off on your way to work.

Press 15 to leave us an anonymous garbled message, letting us know you have left a child in our yard in the middle of January, which is in fact, better than just leaving the child with no message.

Press 16 if you are going to get angry because we are not going to take your kid that you have had for fifteen years, because it is not our responsibility.

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