If You Can’t Draw, Maybe The ‘Draw Something’ Game Is Not For You

Question: Why do people who can’t or won’t draw something want to play Draw Something?! I’m getting annoyed with people just writing the clues out. They must be the same maroons who shoot video at concerts with a potato and upload stuff to YouTube, where the resulting video clip makes you think you have been slipped some bad acid.

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Admittedly, the game has some stupid clues sometimes, some of which are irritating pop culture phrases or names, like ”blueivy,” ”ladygaga,” ”bieber,” but, FFS, if we play several rounds and you always just write the damn word out, you are playing the wrong game.

I’m just saying.

Once in a blue moon, I understand someone needs a stupid clue word to earn a badge and has no idea how to draw ”seacrest,” but writing the words each and every time? You people suck, get the F out of my drawing game.

And if you can’t spell and constantly give up because you can’t spell simple words, like trying to spell “stapler” as “stapole,” whatever the hell a stapole is, or if you are seven years old and don’t know what half the words even mean, then you can F off too. You are spoiling my fun! Grr! Argh!

I’m supposed to be relaxing, here. WTF, people. Dammit, do not play drawing games if you can’t even draw a cat, a tree, or a flippin’ stick person. You’re pissing me off. I don’t judge people who aren’t great at art if they at least TRY to draw something. Which is, may I remind you, the name of the damn game in the first place.

Just to prove that I don’t slack off myself, here are a few sketches I did. I can’t show the animations (I like to illustrate verbs by having a character do whatever the word clue says they need to do, and the game shows the steps you take when drawing stuff so you can erase and redraw and such), but I can show the end results. Once I figured out you could save the stupid things, I was on the verge of rage-quitting due to non-drawing slack-asses, so there aren’t many of them:

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Note that 99% of these entries are DRAWINGS.

Incidentally, though most of my opponents guessed well and drew well, SOME of my opponents missed THREE of those clues I shared above, and the game gives you, like, 12 letters to use, lets you know how long the puzzle’s word is, and even gives you a “bomb” tool that removes all the wrong letters. The game also repeats the same clues a lot, especially those for badges. You should eventually figure out some of the weirder ones from context clues.

So I’m extra-annoyed.

How do you fuck up guessing “Kermit”? Does it not look like Kermit? Jesus Christ. I need a drink.

None of you people are allowed to play Pictionary with me, either.

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Celebrity “Artists”

These celeb art shows make me ridiculously angry. How did Courtney Love get an art gallery to show her art? Let’s get real: Her work would never be shown by a reputable gallery if she did not have any celebrity cachet or notoreity.

I know too many non-celebs living in squalor and creating actual ART-art, not childish doodles, and do they get gallery shows? Fuck no. There are people I know who are either autodidact folk artists or people who went to school for years to learn specific techniques, art history and skills: do they get art shows? NO.

I’m not even talking about lazy asses like me who can’t afford art supplies or a space to work, though the 20 minute doodle I made on my power bill when I was put on hold the other day is better than that crap.

This is not to harsh on actual artists who also happen to be musicians. I like a lot of their work. If the pictures I have seen are typical examples of Courtney’s oeuvre, I was drawing like that when I was SIX YEARS OLD and can prove it; I still have the crap I churned out as a bored child tossed in the bottom of a storage box somewhere. I also have a milk carton that was papier-mache’d and then painted to look like a duck. Where’s my gallery show? Shit, man.

 

And she’s not even a professional artist!

 

To be fair, the picture above looks more like a doodle rather than a real finished work of art. Also, I have seen worse.

It just rankles when people who merely dabble in art get benefits and exposure that people who are artists full-time struggle mightily to get…much like when actors play at being musicians and form D-list bands, or supermodels get a chance to show off their non-existent acting chops. It is stunt casting.

Hey, celebrities: If you think it is so glamorous being a poor, starving artist, why not give it a go for a couple of decades and report back? I know some of you went through that when you were striving for success in your current fields. How did you feel when “stunt casting” bullshit happened? Did you find it appropriate?